if you’ve nothing nice to say…
Friday, March 14th, 2008
I need sleep; I am actually quite tired, so I don’t expect this entry to make any sense; not even to myself. But I don’t feel like sleeping in my bed. If I could stay up all night, I would… but I’m too weak. I would pass out on this desk before I do that. The floor is cold in our apartment; I think that is another reason I dread getting out of this seat. I am not wearing socks. I wish that I could just cut to the chase & express what I truly feel right now… but I can’t. Yes, I am a chicken-shit. That & I don’t even know what my problem is. I am emotional & heartbroken. My mind will not stop racing. I know these feelings all to well… thankfully it won’t get to that specific point where I can’t breathe. I say that not because I have faith that it won’t, but because I know for fact that it won’t. The little blue pills I take only allow just enough emotion to pass through me… & when it starts becoming too bad, I just stop & get a grip. It’s the strangest feeling to be abruptly okay.
I feel like I’ve said more than I was ready for; at 12am it’s easy to see why. Lover is sound to sleep & I am downstairs, freezing to death because I’m afraid to step onto the cold floor; literally & metaphorically.
Because I’ve nothing nice to say, I’d rather not say anything at all.